- No one fails a class anymore, they are merely “passing impaired”.
- You don’t have detention, you’re just one of the “exit delayed”.
- Your bedroom isn’t cluttered, it’s just “passage restrictive”.
- These days, a student isn’t lazy. He’s “energetically declined”.
- Your locker isn’t overflowing with junk, it’s just “closure prohibitive”.
- Kids don’t get grounded anymore. They merely hit “social speed bumps”.
- Your homework isn’t missing, its just having an “out-of-notebook experience”.
- You’re not sleeping in class, you’re “rationing consciousness”.
- You’re not late, you just have a “rescheduled arrival time”.
- You’re not having a bad hair day, you’re suffering from “rebellious follicle syndrome”.
- You don’t have smelly gym socks, you have “odor-retentive athletic footwear”.
- No one’s tall anymore. They are “vertically enhanced”.
- You’re not shy. You’re “conversationally selective”
- You don’t talk a lot. You’re just “abundantly verbal”.
- You weren’t passing notes in class. You were “participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations”.
- You’re not being sent to the principals office. You’re “going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building”.
- It’s not called gossip anymore. It’s “the speedy transmission of near-factual information”.
- The food at the school cafeteria isn’t awful. It’s “digestively challenged”.
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