Let’s Have Male and Female Nouns

It has often been suggested that English should have male and female nouns. Here are a few candidates for consideration as useful male and female nouns:

  • Swiss Army Knife
    Male – because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
  • Kidneys
    Female – because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.
  • Penlight
    Male – because it can be turned on very easily, but isn’t very bright.
  • Tire
    Male – because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.
  • Hot Air Balloon
    Male – because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it… and, of course, there’s the hot air part.
  • Sponges
    Female – because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
  • Web Page
    Female – because it is always getting hit on.
  • Shoe
    Male – because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
  • Copier
    Female – because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Also, because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Also, because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.
  • Ziploc Bags
    Male – because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
  • Subway
    Male – because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
  • Hourglass
    Female – because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
  • Hammer
    Male – because it hasn’t evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it’s handy to have around and it’s good for killing bugs.