You Know You’re In A Southern Church When…

  • The call to worship is, “Ya’ll come on in now.”
  • People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark.
  • The preacher says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering and 5 guys stand up.
  • The restrooms are outside.
  • Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
  • A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck, because “It ain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t get out of.”
  • When it rains, everyone is smiling.
  • Prayers regarding the weather are standard practice.
  • The choir group is known as the “OK Chorale.”
  • The pastor wears boots.
  • Four generations of the same family sit together in worship.
  • There is no such thing as a “secret” sin.
  • Baptism is referred to as “branding”.
  • There is a special fund raiser for a new septic tank.
  • Finding and returning lost sheep isn’t just a parable.
  • High notes on the organ can set the dogs to howling.
  • People wonder, when Jesus fed 5000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.
  • People think “rapture” is when you lift something too heavy.
  • Baptisms take place in the creek behind the church.
  • The final words of the benediction are, “Ya’ll come back now, ya hear?”