Occupational Hazards | The Joke Archives

OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balance.
OLD ACTORS never die, they just drop a part.
OLD ACTUARIES never die, they just get broken down by age and sex.
OLD ARCHERS never die, they just bow and quiver.
OLD ARCHITECTS never die, they just lose their structures.
OLD BALLOONISTS never die, they just get higher and higher.
OLD BANKERS never die, they just lose interest.
OLD BASEBALLS never die, they just get pitched.
OLD BASKETBALL players never die, they just go on dribbling.
OLD BEEKEEPERS never die, they just buzz off.
OLD BLONDES never fade, they just dye away.
OLD BOOKKEEPERS never die, they just lose their figures.
OLD BOTANISTS never die, they just wither away.
OLD BOWLERS never die, they just end up in the gutter.
OLD CARDIAC SURGEONS never die, they just get bypassed.
OLD CASHIERS never die, they just check out.
OLD CASHIERS never die, they just get distilled.
OLD CHAUFFEURS never die, they just lose their drive.
OLD CHICKENS never die, they just get fried.
OLD CLEANING PEOPLE never die, they just kick the bucket.
OLD CLOTHIERS never die, they just lose their shirts.
OLD COMPUTER USERS never die, they just lose their memory.
OLD COOKS never die, they just get deranged.
OLD COWS never die, they just kick the bucket.
OLD DAIRYMEN never die, they just get butter and butter.
OLD DAREDEVILS never die, they just get discouraged.
OLD DEANS never die, they just lose their faculties.
OLD DOCTORS never die, they just go to the hospital.
OLD DOCTORS never die, they just lose their patience.
OLD DOUGHBOYS never die, they just get rolled out.
OLD EGYPTIAN TOURISTS never die – they just go senile.
OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just lose contact.
OLD ENGINEERS never die, they just lose their bearings.
OLD EXTERMINATORS never die, they just bug out.
OLD FARMERS never die, they just go to seed.
OLD FIREFIGHTERS never die, they just go to blazes.
OLD FISHERMEN never die, they just smell that way.
OLD FROGS never die, but they do croak.
OLD FULLBACKS never die, they just kick off.
OLD GARDENERS never die, they just spade away.
OLD GLASS never dies, it just gets smashed.
OLD GOLFERS never die, they just lose their balls.
OLD GOLFERS never die, they just putter away.
OLD GOSSIPERS never die, they just lose their confidants.
OLD GRUNGE ROCKERS never die, they just cut their hair, and nobody recognizes them.
OLD GUNS never die, they just get loaded.
OLD HIKERS never die, they just get the boot.
OLD HIPPIES never die, they just smell that way.
OLD HUMAN CANNONBALLS never die, they just get fired.
OLD HUNTERS never die, they just stay loaded.
OLD HYPOCHONDRIACS never die, they just lose their grippe.
OLD INVESTORS never die, they just roll over.
OLD JANITORS never die, they just get swept up.
OLD JOURNALISTS never die, they just get de-pressed.
OLD KEY PUNCH OPERATORS never die, they just punch out.
OLD KINGS never die, they just get throne away.
OLD LAWYERS never die, they just loose their briefs.
OLD LAWYERS never die, they just lose their appeal.
OLD LAWYERS never die, they just lose their judgement.
OLD LIBRARIANS never die, they just close the book.
OLD LIMBO DANCERS never die, they just go under.
OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just disappear.
OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just disintegrate.
OLD MECHANICS never die, they just get well lubricated.
OLD MECHANICS never die, they just retire.
OLD MILKMAIDS never die, they just lose their whey.
OLD MUFFLERS never die, they just get exhausted.
OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just decompose.
OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just get played out.
OLD OWLS never die, they just don’t give a hoot.
OLD PACIFISTS never die, they just go to peaces.
OLD PAINTERS never die, they just get plastered.
OLD PARAKEETS never die, they just get cheeper and cheeper.
OLD PERSONNEL AGENTS never die, they just get hire and hire.
OLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they just stop developing.
OLD PILOTS never die, they just go to a higher plane.
OLD PILOTS never die, they just take off.
OLD PLUMBERS never die they just smell that way.
OLD POLICEMEN never die, they just cop out.
OLD POLITICIANS never die, they just run once too often.
OLD POSTMEN never die, they just lose their zip.
OLD PRINCIPALS never die, they just lose their faculties.
OLD PRINTERS never die, they’re just not the type
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just go to bits.
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just loose their memory.
OLD PROGRAMMING WIZARDS never die, they just recurse.
OLD QUARRY WORKERS never die, they just get blasted.
OLD QUARTERBACKS never die, they just pass away.
OLD ROCKHOUNDS never die, they just slowly petrify.
OLD SAILORS never die, they just get a little dingy.
OLD SCHOOLS never die, they just lose their principals.
OLD SCULPTORS never die, they just lose their marbles.
OLD SEERS never die, they just lose their vision.
OLD SEWAGE WORKERS never die, they just waste away.
OLD SNACK VENDORS never die, they just cash in their chips.
OLD SOLDIERS never die . . . just young ones!
OLD STATUES never die, they just get busted.
OLD STEELMAKERS never die, they just lose their temper.
OLD STUDENTS never die, they just get degraded.
OLD TANNERS never die, they just go into hiding.
OLD TEACHERS never die, they just lose their class.
OLD TIRE INSTALLERS never die, they just go down the tubes.
OLD TRASH HAULERS never die, they just get down in the dumps.
OLD VETERINARIANS never die, they just go to the dogs.
OLD WHEELS never die, they just get retired.
OLD WHITE WATER RAFTERS never die, they just get disgorged.
OLD WRESTLERS never die, they just lose their grip.