- Gun rack mysteriously appears in the back of your car.
- You name your kids Garth, Reba, Conway and Merle.
- You form a deeply-rooted mistrust of relationships, fashion trends, and foreign automobiles.
- Big hats, big buckles, & big bills to the Home Shopping Network.
- You start to notice just how doggone attractive yer sister is.
- Thinking more and more the trash can lid would make one helluva belt buckle.
- Diet of chicken-fried steak and Budweiser gives skin an unearthly glow.
- At each of life’s major crossroads, you ask yourself, “What would Willie Nelson do?”
- You become unable to discriminate between one too many and Whoooodoggie!
- You take to speaking in cornball analogies like achin’ takes to a cheatin’ heart.
- You find yourself turning tricks to support $100-a-day hair spray habit.
- You can “Lather, Rinse and Repeat” until the cows come home, but your hair still looks like it has a quart of 30-weight in it.
- Yet *another* worn-out CD player.
- Your Bleedin’ Ear.
- You begin to worship Jeff Foxworthy the way the French worship Jerry Lewis.
- Stong urge to visit a barber and ask for “The Lovett.”
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