- She calls to ask you the meaning of “conjugal.”
- Her new bumper sticker: “Convicts do it for life.”
- She proudly says she finally found a man who sleeps in the same bed every night.
- She only feels comfortable speaking to you on the phone when you’re on opposite sides of the same window.
- Your ex *is* a convict.
- Back from custody weekend, little Timmy asks if he can have a steel toilet next to his bed, “just like Uncle Snake!”
- You hear her asking the kids if the “screws” at daycare are treating them right.
- Your children’s response to why drugs are bad is “they violate your parole.”
- You’re spending another weekend with the kids because “Mommy has the Conjugals.”
- She boasts: “He’s a former child TV star!”
- Your kids try to guess how many cigarettes their birthday presents are worth.
- Her license plate is autographed.
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