- I have moss growing:
a. In my garden
b. In my bathroom
c. In my kitchen
d. On my teeth
- When I open my mouth at parties, people:
b. Ease away slowly
c. Stuff a live weasel down my throat
- I think computers are:
c. Too damn small for the stuff I want to do
- I think sheep are:
c. Annoyingly far away from where I live
- The Usenet Oracle is:
a. A pack of weenies who think about “Lisa” way too much
c. Not appreciative of the great answers I write; the Priesthood is out to get me
- The gender I desire to have sexual relations with is
a. Difficult to understand
b. Impossible to understand
c. Clearly from a different planet
d. How should I know? I’ve only seen pictures
- Bill Gates is:
a. Bill who?
b. Very wealthy
c. Head of Microsoft, which produces some widely used products
d. The Antichrist
- In general, people:
a. Like me
b. Don’t like me
c. People? What people?
- My friends are:
b. People I know from work or school
c. Wearing the same clothing I am
- My dream vacation is:
d. In a room with lots of fluorescent lights and an unlimited supply of coffee
- My job prospects are:
c. I’ll never be out of work, you hear me? Never!
d. They pay people to do this?
Score 0 for each A, 1 for each B, 2 for each C, and 3 for each D.
19 or more: Yep. You’re a computer geek, all right.
13 – 18: You’re a geek of some stripe or another.
7 – 12: Probably not a geek, but watch it…
0 – 6: If you’re of the opposite sex, could you leave a note for me in the personals column? Please? Hello?
Is It Better To Be a Jock (Michael Jordan) or a Nerd (Bill Gates)?
- Michael Jordan having “retired,” with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not.
- If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
- If he goes to see a movie, it’ll cost him $7.00, but he’ll make $18,550 while he’s there.
- If he decides to have a 5-minute egg, he’ll make $618 while boiling it.
- He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage.
- He’ll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.
- If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
- If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.
- He’ll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.
- Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), his contributions will hit the federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st.
- If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you’d be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.
- He’ll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics, and about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.
- While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he’ll pull in about $5600.
- This year, he’ll make more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined. Amazing isn’t it?
If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 450 years, he’ll still have less than Bill Gates has today.
Game over. Nerd wins!!