• You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk
• The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
• You were shooting pool when any of your children were born.
• Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos."
• Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
• You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
• You clean your fingernails with a stick.
• You've ever hit a deer with your car, deliberately.
• Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
• You keep a can of RAID on your kitchen table.
• You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
• There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
• You ever got too drunk to fish.
• You consider the fifth grade your senior year.
• Directions to your house include, "Turn off the paved road."
• The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
• Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
• You think the French Riviera is a foreign car
• You prefer car keys to Q-Tips.
• You've ever financed a tattoo.
• The gas pedal in your car is shaped like a bare foot.
• You've ever bought a used hat.
• You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a dog.
• You're considered an expert on worm beds.
• You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
• Your stove is on the porch and your lawn chairs are in the kitchen.
• "Bambi" made you hungry for rabbit.
• You learned to drive in a monster truck.
• You spit chewing tobacco in the plants.
• Your wedding reception included a beer brunch.
• You believe books are bad luck.
• You believe all-star wrestling should be an Olympic competition.
• You believe all-star wrestling.
• You recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck.
• You think a "thesaurus" was a dinosaur.