• You say 'mate' constantly

• You think it is perfectly normal to pay over £3 for a pint.

• Anyone not from London is a 'wanker'

• Anyone from outside London and north of the Watford Gap is a 'Northern Wanker'

• You have no idea where the North is.

• You see All Saints in the Met Bar (again) and find it hard to get excited about it.

• The countryside makes you nervous

• Somebody speaks to you on the tube and you freak out thinking they are a stalker.

• American tourists no longer annoy you.

• You talk in postcodes. "God, it was really warm round SW1 the other day"

• You can't remember the last time you got up to 30 mph in your car in the city.

• You didn't realise that 'Paddington Green' is REAL.