• "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."
• "Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."
• "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
• "Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."
• "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
• "I am a rabid typist."
• "Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."
• "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."
• "Proven ability to track down and correct errors."
• "Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."
• "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."
• "References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."
• "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."
• "Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."
• "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
• "I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant."
• "I am loyal to my employer at all costs ..Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail."
• "Qualifications: No education or experience."
• "Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."
• "Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."
• "Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"
• I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.
• Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
• Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
• Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
• It's best for employers that I not work with people.
• Let's meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.
• You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
• Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
• I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
• Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
• Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments.
• Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.
• Marital status: often. Children: various.
• Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions.
• The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
• Finished eighth in my class of ten.
• References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.
• Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"