HOW TO TELL YOU NEED A NEW SECRETARY

• She has a hard time alphabetizing a bag of M&Ms.
• She doesn't get the hang of Post-it Notes.
• You have to frequently scrape tippex off her computer monitor.
• At the board meeting for which she is recording the minutes, she stops the proceedings to ask, "What did fatso say?"
• Your customers come around only during her lunch period; they peek around the door asking, "Is the coast clear?"
• When she gets low on typing paper she asks you what to do; you tell her to use copy paper. She then takes a blank piece of typing paper, puts it into the copy machine and makes 10 copies.
• She rolls her hosiery to just below the knee and keeps it there by tying it in a knot.
• The Ringling Brothers Clown College announces that she has won a prize for her original make-up.
• She tries to fax chocolate chip cookies to her daughter in college.
• She staples her thumbs together more frequently than once a week.
• Types 60 words per minute..... but not in English.
• She wears tippex for nail polish.