• "And now, a reading from the book of Greenspan, Chapter 11..."
• "Hell, we've spent the next 3 years' payroll defending ourselves against all those sexual harassment suits you gals filed."
• "We finally found a way to force 12-year-old girls in Malaysian sweatshops to do our middle management for us."
• "We're moving to Mexico -- and you're not."
• "Though performance has exceeded expectations, the Web Surfing 'n' Donut Eating Department has been deemed dispensable."
• "The company just isn't ready for that kind of commitment and needs some space. We still want to be friends, though."
• "Turns out we're just another front for Al Qaeda."
• "Replacing you with a monkey would mean more efficiency, *and* less poo on the carpet."
• "Remember last year's annual report, in which our CEO reported a sizable outlay of capital in the Jalalabad Hilton project...?"
• "Miss Cleo says you gotta leave, you gotta leave."
• "Adverse marketplace conditions necessitated a strategic resource reallocation to enable renewed focus on core competencies within key client segments, resulting in headcount rightsizing to hit shareholder-mandated returns. Yeah, that's the ticket!"
• "Look at it this way -- you can see 'Harry Potter' every day this week if you want to."
• "Please excuse Johnny for firing all those people. He's a greedy, cold-hearted son-of-a-bitch. Signed, Johnny's Mom."
• "It's all about providing our customers a quality product, Mr. Scapego-- er, Wilson."
• "You'll notice your co-workers who haven't been wasting their time with Internet humor lists still have *their* jobs."
• "Look, it was either you or someone we like."