• Stupidity is like nuclear power, it can be used for good or evil. But you still don't want to get any on you.

• You are without romance or mirth... You must be an engineer.

• The status of a temp is somewhere between that of a security guard and the crud behind the refrigerator.

• And in the news... Body parts were strewn for miles... Check your sandwich.

• I used to be stupid but I've turned that situation around 360 degrees.

• Trying to attain vast power and world domination again?! Bad dog! Bad dog!

• There's a fine line between marketing and grand theft.

• All your problems are caused by invisible people. To eliminate your problems, all you need to do is find them and kill them.

• Someday, the people who know how to use computers will rule over those who don't. And there will be a special name for them ... webmistresses.

• Running feels awful, but it will let you live longer... So, life will feel awful, but at least it will last longer.

• It's not a cult. Think of it as a gang of morons who have nothing better to do with their lives.

• Hello! This is a long-distance phone company with vague promises of unverifiable savings if you switch to us. Is this a convenient time for you? .. No? OK, we'll call back later.

• If you touch any key, our software will lock up. Call us and we'll blame it on Microsoft.

• What do you call a dog that's been run over by a steamroller? Spot.

• Nature has a way of compensating for weaknesses, which is why stupid people have big mouths.

• It is said that man's ability to reason that separates him from mere animals, but then again the animal kingdom has no equivalent to "championship wrestling."

• One way to compensate for a tiny brain is to pretend to be dead.

• Intelligence has much less practical application than you'd think.

• Used car salesmen are not in it for the money. They just like lying to strangers.

• To become one with your computer is to reach a state of... nerdvana.

• When virtual reality gets cheaper than dating, humanity is doomed.