• Customer: "Excuse me, do you know where the thingamabobers are?"
  Employee: "Yea, by the whatchamacallits on aisle 6."

• Customer: "Do you carry Ink Eradicators? All of the other places do."
  Employee: "I think so. I saw 'em by the Ink Accelerators on aisle 4."

• Customer: "Wheres the thin plastic strips with sticky stuff on the back that you stick things to other things with?"
  Employee: "Hmm... that's a tough one... The closest we have is tape."

• Customer: "Can you help me find something?"
  Employee: "Nope! I'm going to stand here and laugh at you a bit more..."

• Customer: "Excuse me. Do you work here?"
  Employee: "Oh... Sorry. I just dress up like this five days a week because I like messing with people's minds..."

• Customer: "Excuse me. Do you look like you work here?"
  Employee: "(no comment)"

• Customer: Do you work here?
  Employee: Only when the boss is around.

• Customer: "Where are the little flat black things you put in computers?"
  Employee: "Hmm. I think they are in the computer section next to the disks."

• Customer: "I'm having trouble with my computers coffee holder. Do you carry replacements?"
  Employee: (commits hari-kari on the spot)

• Customer: "This item doesn't have a price on it. Does that mean it's free?"
  Employee: "Yes. That's one of the items we paid with "free money" with."

• Customer: This doesn't have a price on it. Does that mean it's free?
  Employee: No, that means I get to make up a price. It's $150.00

• Customer: "Excuse me. Is there a manager in this store?"
  Employee: "Nope. Sorry, we only have someone with a "Manager" name tag on to throw people off."

• Customer: "Can I open this?"
  Employee: "Sure. I'm sure it's different on the inside of the clear wrapping."

• Customer: "Do you have a shopping cart?"
  Employee: "I think so. Let me look in my pocket. Oh! We moved em out to the parking lot!"

• Customer: (referring to a cashier): "Are you open?"
  Employee: "No, sorry. I'm just standing here because people are giving me money. Why stop a bad thing. OH! maybe I will turn this light off with the big number on it next to this cash register..."

• Customer: "Does this printer print in black?"
  Employee: "Yea, but you have to buy the white extra."

• Customer: "I am looking for something to plug into the back of my computer that lets me use my fax, scanner, printer, copier, and 4-in-1 multi-function machine at the same time."
  Employee: "Yea! We have lots of those! Right through that big glass door by the entrance. Don't be confused by that 'Exit' sign."

• Customer: "Excuse me. Do you sell these shelves?"
  Employee: "Only with all the items on it. Do you want these price tags too? They're extra, though."

• Customer: "Is this new computer Y2K compliant?"
  Employee: "No, sorry. We just received our new 1900 models. We can put your name on the list so we can sell you the new 2K models 100 years from now..."

• Customer: "Can you give me a discount on this?"
  Employee: "Yea, that's why we have those little stickers with prices on em on everything."

• Customer: "My computer isn't working. Do you know why?"
  Employee: "Oh, sorry. I don't have ESP. Let me transfer you to our ESP Technician department."

• Customer: "Do you carry pencils?"
  Employee: "No, I'm sorry. This is an office supply store only. We don't carry pencils; or pens for that matter."

• Customer: "Do you have a bathroom here?"
  Employee: "No, sorry. We all piss in our pants when we need to go."

• Customer: Do you know where the hardware department is?
  Employee: Yes I do.
  Customer: Well, could you tell me where it is?
  Employee: I sure could. Would you like me to?