• Be very suspicious if the advertised price of a Caribbean cruise includes the phrase "Free Ammo".
• Consider carefully before visiting a country where the license plate motto is Die American Pig.
• There is no legitimate reason for a travel agent to need to know if you have experience in jungle warfare.
• If you find yourself in Iran, do not use the word blankethead.
• On a trip to Canada, your travel agent should not charge you for an interpreter.
• While in the Vatican, do not refer to St. Peter as "Petey-Boy."
• Do not board a cruise ship if passengers are being issued oars.
• Avoid any Latin American Tour named Bay of Pigs, Two.
• In South America, say no to anyone wanting you to deliver a suicase of powdered sugar to their grandmother in Miami.
• Legitimate travel agents do not dress in foreign military uniforms.