• they don't sell tickets, they sell chances.
• all the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.
• before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.
• if you kiss the wing for luck before boarding, it kisses you back.
• you cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.
• before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.
• the Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.
• when they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.
• the Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.
• you ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he sez, "Just once."
• there's no movie. Don't need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.
• you see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane.
• all the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.