How You Can Tell When it's Going to be a Rotten Day
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You put your bra on backwards and it fits better
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You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold
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You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office
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Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles
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Your son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business
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You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party last night
and there aren't any
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Your turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city
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Your twin forgot your birthday
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You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then you realize that
you don't have a waterbed
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Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group
of Hell's Angels on the freeway
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Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache
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Your boss tells you not to bother taking off your coat
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The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard
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You wake up and your braces are locked together
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You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose
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You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business
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Your income tax check bounces
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Your blind date turns out to be your ex
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Your pet rock snaps at you
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Your wife says "Good Morning, Bill" and your name is George
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You put both contact lenses in the same eye