• A black cat crosses your path and drops dead.
• Your over 25 and still live with your parents or some other relative. If you are 30 or more, well enough said...
• You take an assertiveness training course and you're afraid to tell your wife.
• Your chauffeur is on parole for car theft. (Actually, you just remembered you don't even own a car like that.)
• You have to take out a loan just to get money for the down payment.
• Your children's school calls to surrender.
• The bride's family throws rocks instead of rice.
• Your wife wraps your lunch in a road map.
• Your plants do better when you do *not* talk to them.
• All your modeling jobs are for cartoonists.
• Your engagement ring is, upon closer inspection, plastic.