• "A diamond is forever." "Which is *exactly* how long you'll be hearing about it from the wife if you don't cough up the green for some ice, pal."
• "Built Ford tough"
  "It's an American version of tough; not *really* tough, like German cars are tough."
• "I can't believe it's not butter!"
  "Being around Fabio, for even a few seconds, makes you dumb as a post."
• "Pork; the other white meat"
  "When Heston starts screaming that it's people, don't say we didn't warn you."
• "An Army of one"
  "Can't be gay all by yourself, can ya?"
• "A diamond says you'd marry her all over again"
  "You're too classy for a $50 hooker every week."
• "Have it your way"
  "Think of us as your personal hamburger whore."
• "Just Do It"
  "We know you'll never get off the couch lard-ass; just buy the friggin' shoes."
• "The new way to office"
  "The half-assed way to slogan."
• "It's so chunky, you'll be tempted to eat it with a fork."
  "Those damn slicing machines are still dumping way too many body parts in our soups!"
• "Must-see TV"
  "Yeah, what else are you gonna do, Shakespeare? Read?!"
• "Calgon, take me away!"
  "I've got my Mr. Showerhead poised for action."
• "Like a rock"
  "God knows we weren't selling many pickups with that Boy George tune."