So very many ways to say this wonderful phrase.. try a few of these on for a change of pace.

• "Body by Fisher -- brains by Mattel."
• $HOME = /dev/null.
• 3K RAM free, no EMS.
• A .22 caliber intellect in a .357 Magnum world.
• A 10K brain attached to a 9600 baud mouth.
• A 20th century man... The guy has no future.
• A 3.5-inch drive, but data on punch cards.
• A black-and-white mind working on a color-coded problem.
• A brain like a BB in a boxcar/box of Corn Flakes.
• A couple of slates short of a full roof.
• A couplet short of a sonnet.
• A cup and saucer short of a place setting.
• A day late and a dollar short.
• A deadbolt with a broken cylinder.
• A doughnut short of being a cop.
• A few beads short in her rosary.
• A few beans short of chili.
• A few beers short of a six-pack
• A six-pack short of a case.
• A few birds shy of a flock.
• A few blocks short of a filesystem.
• A few bombs/melons short of a full load.
• A few bricks short of a wall/hod/load/pile.
• A few chips short of a cookie.
• A few clowns short of a circus.
• A few clues shy of a solution.
• A few cold solder joints.
• A few ears short of a bushel.
• A few feathers short of a whole duck.
• A few few cylinders short of a full re-format.
• A few fish short of a string.
• A few french fries/one hamburger short of a Happy Meal.
• A few guppies short of an aquarium.
• A few inches short of a foot/yard.
• A few kernels short of an ear.
• A few kopeks short of a ruble.
• A few links shy of a chain.
• A few measures short of a staff.
• A few open splices.
• A few peas short of a pod/casserole.
• A few pickles short of a jar.
• A few pies short of a holiday.
• A few planes short of an Air Force/hangar.
• A few points short of a polygon.
• A few revisions behind.
• A few sandwiches/apples/ants short of a picnic.
• A few screws loose.
• A few shrimps short of a barbie.
• A few spoons short of a full set.
• A few straws shy of a bale.
• A few tiles missing from his space shuttle.
• A few tiles short of a successful re-entry.
• A few too many lights out in his Christmas tree.
• A few volts below threshold.
• A few yards short of the hole.
• A flash of light, a cloud of dust, and... What was the question?
• A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
• A hop, skip, and jump from success, but to get there he'd have to give up chewing gum.
• A kangaroo loose in her top paddock.
• A lap behind the field.
• A little light in his loafers.
• A looney tune.
• A medical mystery.
• A mental midget with the IQ of a fencepost. -- Tom Waits
• A mind as empty as the sleeping pill concession at a honeymoon hotel.
• A mind like wet tennis shoes... Makes squishy noises when running.
• A modest little person, with much to be modest about. -- Churchill
• A natural talent for finding subliminal messages in ice cubes.
• A Neanderthal brain in a Cro-Magnon body.
• A notch off the timing mark.
• A one-bit brain with a parity error.
• A pacifist out of necessity in a battle of wits.
• A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.
• A prime candidate for natural deselection.
• A quart low.
• A return with no gosub.
• A room temperature IQ.
• A semitone flat on the high notes.
• A square with only three sides.
• A steering wheel/few bolts short of a Yugo.
• A teapot with a cracked lid.
• A titanic intellect... In a world full of icebergs.
• A vacuum-tube brain in a microchip world.
• A VGA card and a Hercules monitor.
• A victim of retroactive birth control.
• A violin minus the bow.
• A walking argument for birth control.
• A wind-up clock without a key.
• About half smart.
• Afraid she'll void her warranty if she thinks too much.
• Airhead/bubble-brain.
• Aliens zapped him with stupidity ray -- twice.
• All booster, no payload.
• All crown, no filling.
• All foam, no beer.
• All hammer, no nail.
• All hat and no cattle.
• All he remembers about his middle name is the first letter.
• All his eggs in the same basket.
• All his learning curves look like Mount Everest.
• All icing, no cake.
• All lime and salt, no tequila.
• All missile, no warhead.
• All of his bytes are odd.
• All shot, no powder.
• All the lights don't shine in her marquee.
• All the personality of linoleum flooring/plasticene/putty/ caulking/saran wrap/a bowl of oatmeal/a plastic spoon.
• All the sex appeal of a wet paper bag.
• All wax and no wick.
• Alphabetizes junk mail/T-shirts/canonical lists.
• Always in the right place, but at the wrong time.
• Always loses battles of wits because he's unarmed.
• Always needs to have jokes explained.
• Always sharpening his sleeping skills.
• An 8080 in a 68000 environment.
• An alligator. (All mouth, no ears.)
• An Apple //e on UUCP.
• An early example of the Peter Principle.
• An ego like a black hole.
• An example of how the dinosaurs survived for millions of years with walnut sized brains.
• An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
• An expert on the historical significance of cottage cheese.
• An inch short and a stroke early.
• An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
• An XT clone in a Pentium zone.
• Ano-fossal ambiguity. (Can't tell his ass from a hole in the ground.)
• Another engineering prototype that should not have been shipped.
• Answers the door when the phone rings.
• Any slower and he'd be in reverse. -- Gignac
• As a baby his parents stood him on his soft spot.
• As bent as a corkscrew.
• As bright as a nightlight/small appliance bulb/tulip bulb.
• As focused as a fart.
• As happy as if he had brains.
• As happy as the village idiot.
• As much use as a back pocket in a vest.
• As much use as a lead parachute.
• As quick as a corpse.
• As rare as a nine bob note.
• As sharp as a marble/bowling ball/beachball/pin head/wet sponge/bowl of Jello/mashed potato sandwich, and twice as smart.
• As sharp as a sack full of wet mice. -- Foghorn Leghorn
• As smart as a politician/lawyer is honest.
• As smart as bait/an automatic email responder script.
• As smart as Christie Brinkley is ugly.
• As thick as champ. (Irish; champ is mostly mashed spuds and cabbage.)
• As thick as two short planks/two half bricks.
• As worn out as a cucumber in a convent.
• Attic's a little dusty.
• Back burners not fully operating.
• Bad spot on the disk.
• Baler done run out of twine.
• Bandwidth limited.
• Barney's his hero.
• Bats have flown the belfry, and now he's all alone.
• Bats in the belfry.
• Batteries not included.
• Been napping in front of the ion shield again.
• Been playing with his wand too much.
• Been playing with the pharmacy section again.
• Been short on oxygen one time too many.
• Been using her head as a mass driver.
• Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.
• Blew his O-rings.
• Blew the hatch before the lock sealed.
• Blocked one too many hockey pucks/soccer balls/punches with his head.
• Blown/leaking head gasket.
• Born a day late and like that ever since.
• Born during low tide in the gene pool/swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool.
• Born ugly and built to last.
• Both oars in the water, but on the same side of the boat.
• Brain is running on empty.
• Brain like a hard drive with no read/write head.
• Brain permanently in power saving/8-bit mode.
• Brain transplant donor.
• Bright as a Zippo lighter without a flint.
• Bright as Alaska in December.
• Bright as an acetylene torch -- without an oxygen supply.
• Brings binoculars to submarine races.
• Broadcasts static.
• Bubbles/leaks in her think tank.
• Built a special showcase for his herd of pet rocks.
• Busier than a one-armed paper hanger.
• Busy as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.
• Caboose seems to be pulling the engine.
• Cackles a lot, but I ain't seen no eggs yet.
• Calling her stupid would be an insult to stupid people.
• Calling him a pea brain would be an undeserved compliment.
• Calls people to ask them their phone number.
• Can be outwitted by a jar of Marshmallow Fluff.
• Can discern facts and form predictions with the acumen of an economist.
• Can easily be confused with facts.
• Can only remember her old passwords.
• Can only shoot pool with a left-handed cue stick.
• Can't count his balls and get the same answer twice.
• Can't distinguish jacking off and stropping a razor.
• Can't find his ass with two hands and a periscope/compass/flashlight/bloodhound/GPS receiver (in a locked closet).
• Can't find log base two of 65536 without a calculator.
• Can't program his way out of a for-loop.
• Car's only got three wheels, and one's going flat.
• Carrier wave unmodulated.
• Carries a tire gauge in her purse.
• Cart can't hold all the groceries.
• Cauliflower for brains.
• Changes hands and picks up a stroke.
• Charming as a carbuncle.
• Cheats when filling out opinion polls.
• Cheezwiz for brains.
• Chimney's clogged.
• Clock doesn't have all its numbers.
• Colder than a well-digger's ass in the Klondike.
• Collects cards for Craig.
• Communications with him is limited to ping.
• Confused as a baby in a topless bar.
• Consumes hard drugs as vitamins.
• Contributes to collections like this one without searching first to see if their little gem is already listed.
• Contributes to the population problem.
• Could be considered a plant if he developed photrophic motility.
• Could only be loved/missed if the minister read someone else's eulogy.
• Couldn't balance a checkbook if Einstein helped.
• Couldn't count to 21 if he were barefoot and without pants.
• Couldn't find his way through a maze even if the rats helped him.
• Couldn't get a clue during clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if he smeared his body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance.
• Couldn't get laid if he crawled up a chicken's rear end and waited his turn.
• Couldn't hit sand if he fell off a camel.
• Couldn't hit the broad side of a barn if he were standing inside.
• Couldn't organize a piss-up in a brewery. (Common in Australia.)
• Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
• Couldn't think/pee his way out of a paper bag.
• Couldn't write dialog for a porno flick.
• CPU is always in powersave mode.
• CPU not connected to the bus.
• Cranial cavity filled with neutronic matter.
• Cranio-rectally inverted.
• Cunning as a dodo bird.
• Cursor's flashing but there's no response.
• Dealing with him is less fun than going to the dentist.
• Dealing with him is one angst worse than a blind date.
• Deep as her dimples/reflection in a mirror.
• Defective hard drive/boot sector.
• Dense as a London fog.
• Diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.
• Differently clued. -- Dave Clark
• Dock doesn't quite reach the water.
• Does aerobics... in his head.
• Does everything the hard way, like making love standing up in a hammock.
• Doesn't adjust for leap years.
• Doesn't consider his drive a slice unless it lands two fairways over.
• Doesn't have a fart's prayer in a hurricane.
• Doesn't have a round in every chamber.
• Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box.
• Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash/cups in the cupboard/groceries in the same bag.
• Doesn't have all the dots on his dice/pens in her plotter.
• Doesn't have both oars in the water -- can't even find the damn boat.
• Doesn't have elastic in both of his socks.
• Doesn't have his belt through all the loops.
• Doesn't have sixteen annas to the rupee.
• Doesn't have the brain power to toast a crouton.
• Doesn't have the sense God gave an animal cracker.
• Doesn't have two neurons to rub together.
• Doesn't just know nothing; doesn't even suspect much.
• Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair. - Billing
• Doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his balls.
• Doesn't know which side the toast is buttered on.
• Doesn't put the cross-hairs on the target.
• Doesn't quite sample at the Nyquist rate.
• Doesn't suffer from ear pressure when flying at altitude.
• Donated her body to scientists... Before she was done using it.
• Downhill skiing in Iowa.
• Driveway doesn't quite reach the garage.
• Driving at night with the lights off.
• Driving with two wheels in the sand.
• Dropped his second stage too soon.
• Dumb as asphalt/dirt/a mud fence/a stump/a sack of hammers.
• Dumber than a chicken/box of hair/rocks.
• During evolution his ancestors were in the control group.
• Ears are redirected to /dev/null.
• Easier to count the bricks left than the bricks missing.
• Echoes between the ears.
• Eight pawns short of a gambit.
• Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor/penthouse.
• Elevator goes all the way to the top but the door doesn't open.
• Elevator is on the ground floor and he's pushing the Down button.
• End of season sale at the cerebral department. -- Gareth Blackstock
• Enjoys listening to telemarketers.
• Enough sawdust between the ears to bed an elephant.
• Even a two button mouse gives him too many options.
• Evidence for the theory of a missing link.
• Failed the Turing test.
• Fell out of the family tree.
• Fifty-one cards short of a full deck.
• Fighting the war with a starter pistol/water pistol/pop gun/cap gun.
• Finds a flat by swapping tires.
• Finds canonical humor collections amusing.
• Finds Sesame Street/knock-knock jokes challenging.
• Fired from McDonald's for having a short attention span.
• Fired her retro-rockets a little late.
• Flaky.
• Flat out like a lizard drinking.
• Flying/landing on one engine.
• Focused like a 12 gauge shotgun.
• Fog rolled in the day he was born, and a bit of it never rolled out.
• Folds ace plus red jack hand when playing blackjack.
• Foreign substances float in his cranial fluids.
• Forgot to pay his brain bill.
• Found his marbles, but is playing jacks with them.
• Four bits shy of a full DEC.
• Four cents short of a nickel.
• Full of wisdumb.
• Full throttle, dry tank.
• Fur coat and no knickers.
• Gasoline engine, diesel fuel.
• Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
• Gavel doesn't quite hit the bench.
• Gears grind/don't always mesh.
• Gets a charge out of pissing on electric fences.
• Gets her mail at an unknown zip code.
• Gets his orders from another planet.
• Gets hypnotized on the de-spun section.
• Gets parity errors under load.
• Gives a lot of bull for somebody what ain't got no cattle.
• Goalie for the dart team.
• God might still use him for miracle practice.
• God's favorite target for lightning strikes.
• Goes with the flow... He's a bed wetter.
• Good at quantum tunneling but not much else.
• Got a life, but wasn't sure what to do with it.
• Got his brains as a stocking stuffer.
• Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
• Guillotining him would make only an aesthetic difference.
• Gyros are loose.
• Habits explainable if he was raised by wolves.
• Had a head crash.
• Half a bubble off plumb. -- attributed to Mark Twain
• Happiness is seeing her picture on a milk carton.
• Hard to distinguish from the tail end of a horse.
• Hard to tell if he has an ace up his sleeve or if the ace is missing from his deck altogether.
• Has a bus fault problem.
• Has a few wait states.
• Has a full six-pack but lacks the plastic thing to hold them together.
• Has a leak in his ceiling.
• Has a one-way ticket on the Disoriented Express.
• Has a pulse, but that's about all.
• Has a random memory fault.
• Has a slow clock.
• Has a sparse matrix.
• Has a two-bit operating system.
• Has all her bricks, but no cement holding them together.
• Has all the brains God gave a duck's ass.
• Has an inferiority complex, but not a very good one.
• Has an IQ one lower than it takes to grunt.
• Has change for a seven dollar bill.
• Has FINO (first in never out) memory.
• Has his brain on cruise control again.
• Has his solar panels aimed at the moon.
• Has it floored in neutral.
• Has no discretionary intellect.
• Has no upper stage.
• Has nothing to say, but delights in saying it.
• Has only one chopstick in the chowmein.
• Has resonance where others have brains.
• Has signs on both ears saying "Space for Rent".
• Has so few thoughts that when he free associates, it's like watching tennis.
• Has the attention span of an overripe grapefruit.
• Has the brains of a house plant.
• Has the Grand Canyon under the crew cut.
• Has the IQ of a salad bar/an ice cube/three below houseplant.
• Has the keen awareness of an ostrich in hiding.
• Has the mental agility of a soap dish.
• Has the personality of a snail on Valium.
• Has the same talent as Dr. Doolittle.
• Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
• Hasn't caught on that X and Y are relative values.
• Hasn't got all his china in the cupboard.
• Hasn't got the brains God gave a cat.
• Having a party in his head, but no one else is invited.
• He can only type in upper case.
• He can push but he can't pop.
• He demonstrates that beauty times brains is a constant.
• He donated his brain to science but they made an early withdrawal.
• He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
• He has a bad brains-to-balls ratio.
• He knows computers... He's not fit for contact with humans.
• He writes blank checks on a closed account.
• He'd screw up a two-car funeral procession.
• He's a General Protection Fault trigger.
• He's a man on a mission, but can't find his dossier.
• He's diagnosable.
• He's not a complete idiot -- some parts are missing.
• He's not stupid; he's possessed by a retarded ghost.
• He's really into himself... His head is up his ass.
• He's so dense, light bends around him.
• He's so dense, the Titanic wouldn't sink in his head.
• Hears everything that a dog can.
• Hears more lyrics on records when they're played backwards.
• Her access time approaches infinity.
• Her ancestors came to this country looking for bananas.
• Her ass is sucking swamp gas.
• Her blender doesn't go past "mix".
• Her brain has a corrupted filesystem/someone needs to run fdisk on her brain.
• Her brain is more like a Rube Goldberg device than a computer.
• Her cache is incoherent.
• Her dentist went deaf from the drill's echoes.
• Her dialing thumb must be broken.
• Her ears serve the same function as holes in a dribble glass.
• Her files are compressed 100%.
• Her head needs a periodic whack on the side.
• Her input pipe is broken.
• Her interrupt handler hit a loop.
• Her leads need resoldering.
• Her learning curve is fractal.
• Her lint trap is full.
• Her lists are unlinked.
• Her memory is truly random-access.
• Her mental function can be graphed with a single dot.
• Her mere presence causes parity errors, power fails, and head crashes.
• Her mind is not grounded to a logic supply.
• Her mind might have spontaneously combusted.
• Her mind would be unstable even mounted on a tripod.
• Her modem lights are on but there's no carrier.
• Her objects are not fully oriented.
• Her phone doesn't quite reach her desk.
• Her pool balls don't fit into the rack.
• Her random access is the same as her sequential access.
• Her sewing machine's been out of thread for some time now.
• Her ski lift doesn't go to the top of the hill.
• Her stack has been corrupted.
• Her synapses are about |that| far apart.
• Her system file has zero bytes.
• Her tires are a little low.
• Her wipers don't touch the glass.
• Her word length is zero bits.
• Hid behind the door when they passed out brains.
• High relative humidity... He's lost in a fog.
• His .sig is long, boring, and stupid, but it's the best part of his postings.
• His access light's on, but the drive isn't spinning/is still spinning up.
• His accumulator overflows at zero.
• His actual mileage varies.
• His antenna/radio doesn't pick up all the channels/stations.
• His boot block is in a bad sector.
• His brackets are mismatched.
• His brain could be the perfect dielectric.
• His brain was sold separately and they were out of stock.
• His brain would rattle around in a gnat's navel.
• His buffer is full.
• His clutch is slipping.
• His data bus stops for red lights.
• His deck has no face cards.
• His elevator is stuck between floors.
• His face is on a coin... On the edge.
• His family wasn't dysfunctional until he arrived.
• His freelist is empty.
• His future is behind schedule. -- Bob Thaves
• His gene line isn't just dead, it's extinct.
• His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons. -- Robin Williams
• His grey matter is brown/doesn't matter.
• His head whistles in a cross wind.
• His home planet is flat.
• His IQ is a false positive.
• His jack can't get the car off the ground.
• His mind is a few Hertz off its assigned frequency.
• His mind is great at error magnification.
• His mind is less substantial than the Emperor's new clothes.
• His mind is on vacation but his mouth is working overtime.
• His mind is write-protected/write-only.
• His mind reached escape velocity and achieved orbit.
• His mind wandered and never came back.
• His motto is: Space, the final frontier.
• His mouth rarely makes calls to his brain.
• His outgoing message starts with, "Hello, Mr. Answering Machine."
• His page was intentionally left blank.
• His picture is in the dictionary under "zero".
• His pointers are null/uninitialized.
• His puzzle is missing a few pieces.
• His reaction time is longer than his attention span. -- Thaves
• His root file system isn't mounted.
• His seat back is not in the full upright and locked position.
• His shared libraries aren't installed.
• His signal-to-noise ratio is epsilon.
• His spark can't jump the gap.
• His spirit guide is a three-toed sloth.
• His stack's not very deep/he has an eight-byte stack.
• His string's aren't null-terminated.
• His strip is demagnetized.
• His system administrator is never in.
• His train tracks aren't quite parallel.
• His URL denies outside access.
• His watch dog is sleeping.
• His wisdom is stolen from bumper-stickers and T-shirts.
• Hitler's evil twin.
• Hyperspatially interconnected/permanently disconnected neural net.
• Hypnotized as a child and couldn't be woken.
• I wouldn't piss in his ear if his brain was on fire.
• I'd like to buy him for what he's worth and sell him for what he thinks he's worth.
• If brains were bird droppings, he'd have a clean cage.
• If brains were dynamite, she wouldn't have enough to blow her nose/her hat off/the wax out of her ears.
• If brains were farts, he couldn't stink up the inside of a matchbox.
• If brains were gasoline, he wouldn't have enough to drive a dinky car around the inside of a cheerio.
• If brains were grains of sand, he couldn't fill a dixie cup.
• If brains were lard, he'd be hard pressed to grease a small pan.
• If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
• If brains were water, hers wouldn't be enough to baptize a flea.
• If God tried to help him, we'd have an eight day week.
• If he donated his brain to science it'd set civilization back 50 years.
• If he gets any denser, the geocentric theory of the universe will come true.
• If he had a lobotomy he'd depressurize.
• If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
• If he had brains, he'd take them out and play with them.
• If he had console lights, we would see only the idle loop patterns.
• If he had half a brain, his ass would be lopsided.
• If he were any brighter he'd be in the visible spectrum.
• If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
• If her brains were put in a hummingbird, it would fly backwards.
• If his brain were a hard drive, it would back up on a single floppy.
• If his brains were money, he'd still be in debt.
• If his IQ was two points higher he'd be a rock.
• If ignorance were bliss, she'd be orgasmic.
• If it's not in his horoscope/tea leaves, he doesn't take it seriously.
• If not for his scrotum, he would lose his balls.
• If sex appeal were dynamite, he couldn't blow the cobwebs off his balls.
• If she had a disk we could upgrade her with DOS 3.0.
• If she was any dumber, she'd be a green plant.
• If stupidity were a crime, he'd be number one on the Most Wanted list.
• If the government ever declared war on stupidity, he'd get nuked.
• If there were a merciful God he'd be dead by now.
• If they each had half a brain, they'd still only have half a brain.
• If they knock heads, implosion will suck all the air out of the room.
• If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable.
• If wit were shit, he'd be constipated.
• If you called him a wit, you'd be half right.
• If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you get change back.
• If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
• Ignorant, and proud of it.
• Immune from any serious head injury.
• Immune to caffeine and all other stimulants.
• In a tub of Preparation H, he'd shrink down to thumb size.
• In his optimum environment, he'd be locked in a life and death struggle with mushrooms.
• In line for brains, thought they said pains, and said, "No, thanks".
• In line for brains, thought they said were handing out milkshakes, and he asked for "extra thick."
• In need of a ROM upgrade.
• In serious need of attitude adjustment.
• In the shopping mall of the mind, he's in the toy store.
• In touch with her higher power, but out of touch with the rest of us.
• Includes a "thank you" note with her tax returns.
• Infinite space between her ears.
• Informationally deprived.
• Inhabits her own private timezone.
• Inspected by #13.
• Inspired the slogan, "A mind is a terrible thing to waste."
• Intellectually/synaptically challenged.
• Invented a pencil with an eraser on each end.
• Invented a submarine with a screen door.
• IQ = dx / (1 + dx), where x = age.
• IQ lower than a snake's belly in a wagon-rut.
• It's hard to believe he beat 100,000 other sperm.
• Just another flash in the bedpan.
• Keeps his imagination on a long leash.
Knitting with only one needle.
• Knows his sports, but his understanding is limited to violence.
• Landing with his gear/brain up and locked.
• Leaky sunroof.
• Left hand threaded.
• Left his booster on the launch pad.
• Left the store without all of his groceries.
• Leveled off before reaching altitude.
• Life by Norman Rockwell, but screenplay by Stephen King.
• Lightbulb over his head is burned out.
• Lights are on but nobody's home.
• Lights not burning too bright.
• Like a barometer -- vacuum at the top.
• Like a loose-leaf folder in winter.
• Like a one-armed man climbing a rope.
• Likes dunking for french fries.
• Little red choo-choo's gone chugging 'round the bend/jumped the track.
• Lives in La-la-land.
• Lives in the same world, but a different universe.
• Living proof that nature does not abhor a vacuum.
• Long on dry wall, short on studs.
• Looking for a nickel in the corner of a circular room.
• Looks for the "Any" key.
• Loose chip on the microprocessor board.
• Loose wire to his headset/ringer.
• Low on thinking gas.
• Low-bandwidth as an information source.
• Lugnuts rattling in the hubcaps.
• Made a career out of mid-life crisis.
• Mainspring's wound too tight.
• Makes a black hole look bright.
• Makes predictions that make weathermen/economists look good.
• Memorized every Dr. Seuss story written.
• Mental software is Version 1.0/still in beta test.
• Mentally qualified for handicapped parking.
• Metronome needs oil.
• Might still be a virgin except for what nature did to her mind.
• Mind like a steel sieve.
• Mind like a steel trap -- everything gets mangled/full of mice/nothing in, nothing out/rusted shut.
• Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
• Missing a few catalog cards / gears / marbles.
• Missing a layer of insulation in his attic.
• Monorail doesn't go all the way to Tomorrowland.
• Mooring lines don't reach the dock.
• More marbles in a spray-paint can than brains in his head.
• Mouth is in gear, brain is in neutral.
• Moves his lips to pretend he's reading.
• Must have ignored a knock-down pitch.
• Nearly on a higher plane, but lost his boarding pass.
• Needs another brain to make half-wit.
• Needs both hands to wipe his behind.
• Needs front end alignment.
• Needs his disk checked/reformatted.
• Needs his sleeves lengthened by a couple of feet so they can be tied in the back.
• Network constantly loses packets.
• Neurons are firing non-sequentially.
• Never had a headcold in her life since diseases can't exist in a vacuum.
• Next-day delivery in a nanosecond world. -- Van Jacobson
• Nice house but not much furniture / nobody lives there.
• Nine pence in the shilling.
• Nine rooms; no furniture.
• Nineteen cents short of a paradigm.
• No charge in her synapses.
• No coins in the old fountain.
• No filter in the coffeemaker.
• No grain in the silo.
• No hands on the rudder/yoke.
• No hay in the loft.
• No one at the throttle.
• No wind in her mind's windmills.
• Not all his dogs are barking.
• Not an idiot, but plays one in his life.
• Not as dumb as he looks, but that would be impossible.
• Not digging in the same ditch with the rest of us.
• Not done evolving yet.
• Not enough brain cells for the Prozac to be effective.
• Not enough brains to get anywhere NEAR the gutter.
• Not enough change to break a dollar/pound/Euro/yen.