• You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

• You sleep with your eyes open.

• You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

• The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.

• You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

• You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.

• Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

• You chew on other people's fingernails.

• The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

• You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

• You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.

• You can jump-start your car without cables.

• You don't sweat, you percolate.

• You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.

• You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

• You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

• People get dizzy just watching you.

• Instant coffee takes too long.

• You channel surf faster without a remote.

• You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

• You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

• You short out motion detectors.

• You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.

• Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

• You help your dog chase its tail.

• You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.

• Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

• You ski uphill.

• You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.

• You answer the door before people knock.

• You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.