The investigation of Indiana University's chair-throwing basketball coach Bobby Knight is over, and the school decided that he gets to keep his job -- despite his long history of violent outbursts, including many highly-publicized run-ins with players and referees.
- Finish motivational tape called "Pull Your Head Out Of Your Butt And Get Your Sh*t Together You Worthless Sack Of Puke."
- Ridicule those WWF weenies for sloppy chair-throwing technique.
- Watch "Patton" again.
- Apologize to Father Nesbitt for hurling pew cushions into the aisle during an unconvincing portion of last Sunday's sermon.
- Call Ditka regarding the 2-for-1 Prozac deal over at Drug Emporium.
- Begin writing "Chicken Soup For The Ill-tempered, Foul-mouthed, Blowhard's Soul."
- Beat the living tar out of Dan Burton for making people from Indiana look crazy.
- Tend to bed of pansies on kitchen window sill.
- Head down to the nursing home and slap Mom around as late Mother's Day gift.
- Check Monster.com for any jobs listed as "Violent Nutcase College Basketball Coaches."
- Submit fecal artwork to Brooklyn Museum of Art.
- Develop new TV show -- "Two Guys, a Girl and a Chair-throwin', Woman-bashin' Player-stranglin' Coach."
- Have floral arrangement delivered to side of secretary's head.
- Haul the ol' Louisville Slugger down to Chuckie Cheese for a few hours of Whack-a-Mole.