• Too much noise in the hallways to whisper sweet nothings to your TurtleDove.

• Just as you reach the peak of sexual passion, your Snookums rolls out of bed.

• Cold water on the stateroom floor takes the fun out of anything kinky.

• The sirens and whistles make it hard to concentrate onlove-making.

• Moaning and screaming all around you makes you feel sexually inadequate.

• You paid for a stateroom on a lower deck, but the lifeboats are hanging just outside your cabin window.

• No one will lend you a life preserver - the one thing you need to win the scavenger hunt!

• You dressed for dinner, but your shipmates come to the dining room wearing pajamas and nighties.

• It's time for your mambo lesson, but the band won't stop playing "Rock of Ages".

• You need ice for drinks - your steward sends you up to the top deck with an ice pick.