• Amen
  • The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

• Bulletin
  1. Parish information, read only during the homily.
  2. Catholic air conditioning.
  3. Your receipt for attending Mass.

• Choir
  • A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync.

• Holy Water
  • A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

• Hymn
  • A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.

• Incense
  • Holy Smoke!

• Jesuits
  • An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams.

• Jonah
  • The original "Jaws" story.

• Justice
  • When kids have kids of their own.

• Kyrie Eleison
  • The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava.

• Magi
  • The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

• Manger
  1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO.
  2. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.

• Pew
  • A medieval torture device still found in Catholic Churches.

• Procession
  • The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass, consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.

• Recessional
  • The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass - led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

• Recessional Hymn
  • The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

• Relics
  • People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

• Ten Commandments
  • The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.

• Ushers
  • The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.