• If your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve is gin, vodka and bourbon -- you just might be a Scrooge.
• If you turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep carolers away -- you just might be a Scrooge.
• If you buy all of your Christmas gifts at a store that also sells gas -- you just might be a Scrooge.
• If your favorite version of "A Christmas Carol" stars Bob Packwood or Bill Clinton -- you just might be a Scrooge.
• If your favorite version of "Babes in Toyland" stars Michael Jackson -- you just might be a Scrooge.
• If your favorite version of "The Nutcracker" stars Andrew Golata -- you just might be a Scrooge.
• If you get your Christmas Tree at a rest stop at night -- you just might be a Scrooge.
• If you give bathroom fixtures as Christmas gifts -- you just might be a Scrooge.
• If your prized Christmas ornament is Santa Claus shooting the moon - you just might be a Scrooge.
• If your favorite Christmas movie is Jurassic Park - you just might be a Scrooge.
• If your idea of Christmas dinner is a six pack of beer and a cheese log - you just might be a Scrooge.
• If you think "Ho, Ho, Ho" is a line from a Rocky movie -- you just might be a Scrooge.
• If your best Christmas tradition involves a fire and reindeer meat - you just might be a Scrooge.
• If you use your Christmas Club money to buy wrestling tickets -- you just might be a Scrooge.
• If your favorite version of "Silent Night" is sung by OJ Simpson -- you just might be a Scrooge.
• If your favorite version of "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" is sung by the KKK choir - you just might be a BIGOT Scrooge.
• If your favorite pasttime is putting defective bulbs in your neighbors' string of Christmas lights or defacing Christmas lawn charicatures with egg nog - you just might be a Scrooge.
• And, finally - if your only holiday decoration is a rotting pumpkin - you just might be a Scrooge.