Instructions: Measure patient's response to these statements:

• I salivate at the sight of mittens.

• My father was a good woman.

• My sex life is A-OK.

• I believe in afterbirth.

• I often lie to make myself obnoxious.

• I prefer spiders to lima beans.

• Chiclets make me sweat.

• Often, I think I am a special agent of Billy Graham.

• I become homicidal when people try to reason with me.

• Sometimes I feel I am persecuting somebody.

• Policemen love me.

• I have never been able to put a bagel into overdrive.

• Boredom excites me.

• My mother was Erik the Red.

• Eggplants make me blush.

• Cannibalism is a small price to pay for popularity.

• Weeping brings tears to my eyes.

• I believe I smell as good as most people.

• Halitosis is part of my style.

• I would never tell my nickname in a crisis.

• I always let people get ahead of me at swimming pools.

• I have taken shoe polish to excess.

• God rarely answers my letters.

• As a child I often suffered from bubonic plague.

• I always cut my hair with an emery board.

• Sitting in the glove compartment makes me claustrophobic.

• My nose has suddenly gone blank.

• It is hard for me to find the right thing to say when I find myself in a room full of cockroaches.

• Most people do not know how to behave in a massacre.

• I am afraid of finding myself in a drawer or some other compromising place.

• I am not threatened by people who want to put my tongue in a paper punch.

• I am tired of being elected President.

• I believe in Cincinnati.

• My parents always faced catastrophes with a song.

• I think oatmeal is erotic.

• I have an uncontrollable urge to fondle other people's teeth.

• My tonsils frequently come when I whistle.

• I am piqued when I find a rhinoceros in my bed.

• The three greatest men who ever lived were Eleanor Roosevelt.

• Sometimes I believe someone is trying to take over my stomach.

• I believe there is a plot to make me happy.

• When I look down from a high place I want to spit.

• I am often bothered by thoughts of sex while having intercourse.

• Most of the time I go to sleep without saying "good-bye."