• Your cat waits and meows at the front door when you arrive. Is it saying?
  1. Welcome home, I missed you.
  2. The phone rang twice while you were out.
  3. Feed me, *NOW*.
  4. So, I see you didn't bring me the mate I asked for. Your pillow is history.

• Your cat meows at the door when you go out. Is it saying?
  1. Please don't leave me here all alone.
  2. Have a nice day.
  3. But what if I get hungry while you out?
  4. Kiss that new vase goodbye.

• Your cat digs its claws in your leg. This is?
  1. A sign of affection.
  2. A demand to be fed now.
  3. Have YOU had YOUR shots?
  4. An attempt to 'fix' you like you 'fixed' him.

• Your cat scratches at the door after being fed. Is it saying?
  1. Lemme out - I need to fertilize the garden.
  2. Wanna go out and play?
  3. Wonder what they've got to eat next door?
  4. Do I mark my territory outside, or inside?

• When your cat stares at you, it means:
  1. It is bored silly.
  2. It's trying to understand how it's food grows in cans.
  3. You are being sized-up for an attack.
  4. Human mating habits are disgusting.

• Your cat brings a dead mouse/bird into the house. This means:
  1. A primal instinct is being displayed.
  2. You're not feeding me enough.
  3. It is showing a sign of affection by sharing.
  4. It is demonstrating the fact that it knows how to kill; be warned.
  5. All of the above.

• Your cat displays signs it wants to mate with other cats in the neighborhood. You should:
  1. Let it out immediately.
  2. Try to switch it's interests to other things.
  3. Put on heavy protective clothing if you are not planning to let it out.
  4. If the other cat's owner is attractive, maybe you could double.

• Your cat sleeps with you; covering your face. This means:
  1. It is showing you great affection.
  2. It knows you are allergic to cats.
  3. It has discovered the fine art of suffocation.
  4. You should have let it out tonight.

---

Cat Quiz for Cats
From J Bologna

• Your human walks into the kitchen. Does this mean?
  1. It's hungry.
  2. It's lost.
  3. You're hungry.
  4. Let the begging begin.

• Your human puts down a bowl of food for you. Is this?
  1. Supper.
  2. Something s/he obviously wouldn't eat.
  3. Something to keep you going till supper's ready.
  4. Inedible junk to be scorned in favor of what the humans eat.

• Your human removes you from the top of the television. Does this mean?
  1. You're in trouble - better not do it again.
  2. Nothing - humans do this from time to time.
  3. The human wants to play, so climb up again to amuse it.
  4. It is time to chew on the cable wire again.

• Staircases are for:
  1. Getting up to the human's bed at 4am.
  2. Lying in wait in the dark at the top of.
  3. Walking down just slower than the human in front of it.
  4. All of the above.

• Your human talks/yells at you. You should:
  1. Listen intently, even if you don't understand.
  2. Meow in acknowledgment and continue what you were doing.
  3. Ignore him/her completely; you're a cat, they mean nothing.
  4. Move on to the next annoying activity to encourage their talking behavior.

• Phone and electrical cords and strings from fabrics are:
  1. Important to humans and should be left alone.
  2. Playthings and deserve your total attention; no matter what damage may result.
  3. Annoying and should be removed immediately.

• Birds, small rodents and large bugs should be:
  1. Ignored (especially if your human wants them removed).
  2. Played with until they stop playing.
  3. Presented to your human as a proud trophy.
  4. Hidden under your human's pillow for safe keeping.
  5. Consumed for their nutritional value.

• A human giving you a bath should be considered:
  1. Under no circumstances.
  2. Under no circumstances.
  3. Under no circumstances.
  4. An act of war.
  5. All of the above.

• Your human's value is limited to:
  1. Providing food.
  2. Providing water.
  3. Letting you out.
  4. Providing opposite-gender feline companionship.
  5. Leaving you alone.
  6. All of the above; if properly trained.