• 6 alarm clocks will wake everyone in the house except a teenager.
• 1 glass of ice water will.
• No alarm clock is necessary for dates or concerts.
• Music is meant to be shared with neighbors two blocks away.
• Don't play it backwards.
• Expect a knock at the door with a summons to court.
• Never start your car before the radio is turned OFF.
• Speedometers are to test the car and see if they really go that fast.
• Mine goes 140MPH on the straight away.
• Teenager's cars go faster.
• Tires are there to leave little black marks when you peel out.
• The bigger the black mark, the better the car.
• A car will hold 16 people with the tailgate open.
• More if you add one to the hood and one to the roof.
• A car will run on fumes long enough to back out of the driveway.
• Walking to the gas station is good exercise for you.
• Being late for work is not good for you.
• Teenagers are allergic to walking.
• A clean room means a path from the door to the bed.
• A bedroom can be cleaned in five minutes flat if they throw everything into the trash.
• Including dirty laundry and dirty dishes.
• The phone is always in use.
• Extra phone lines don't help.
• Voice mail does. (At least you know which calls you've missed)
• Teenagers want to know what calls they've missed, too.
• Kool-aid is for coloring hair.
• Trousers should be worn several sizes too big and low enough for at least 6" of underwear to show.
• Only one half of a wallet is for money.
• The other half is for status symbols.
• Condoms are status symbols.
• The most abhorred 4 letter word is WORK! (houseWORK and homeWORK)
• The second worst 4 letter word is HOME.
• Windows are more useful as doors.
• The knock at the window is always answered by a teenager.
• The knock at the door is always an adult.
• Police come in all shapes and sizes.
• 3 work days a month are school holidays.
• The house will always be redecorated when you come home from work.
• All walls should have a window.
• Windows are easily made with fists.
• Violation tickets come in all shapes, colors and sizes.
• No, all the blue tickets are not curfew violations and all the yellow tickets are not noise violations, that doesn't even include the pink or the green ones.
• Remove all lethal weapons from your home.
• Schools consider paring knives lethal weapons.
• A plastic knife will not slice butter without breaking.
• Every parent of a teenager can add much to this list.
  That's a double dog dare!!!! (If they still use that term)