These questions were posted on an Australian Tourism Web site and the answers are the actual responses by the web site officials, who obviously have a sense of humor.

• Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
  A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
• Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK.)
  A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
• Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
  A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
• Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
  A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
• Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
  A: What did your last slave die of?
• Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
  A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle-shaped continent south of //Europe//. Aus-tra-li-a is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross.
• Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
  A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
• Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
  A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races.
• Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
  A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
• Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
  A: Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-i-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and make good pets.
• Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
  A: Yes, gay nightclubs
• Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
  A: Only at Christmas.
• Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
  A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

G’Day, mate!