"Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time"

"Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam" - seen on Cape Cod

"That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" - seen on an 8 year old

"Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"

"Procrastinate Now"

"Rehab Is for Quitters"

"My Husband and I Married for Better or Worse - He Couldn't Do Better and I Couldn't Do Worse"

"My Dog Can Lick Anyone"

"Real Men Don't Waste Their Hormones Growing Hair"

"I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts -- Do You Want Fries With That?"

"Party -- My Crib - Two A.M." - Made up to look like an invitation on a baby-size shirt

"If a woman's place is in the home WHY AM I ALWAYS IN THIS CAR!"

"FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software."

"I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN"

"Filthy, Stinking, Rich -- Well, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad"

"A hangover is the wrath of grapes"

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance"

"STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"

"Where there's a will I want to be in it"

"How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff?"

"He who dies with the most toys is still dead"

"HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH"

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."

"HARD WORK WILL PAY OFF LATER. LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW!"

"The trouble with life is there's no background music."

"IF THERE IS NO GOD, WHO POPS UP THE NEXT KLEENEX?"

"Two rights do not make a wrong. They make an airplane."

"MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT"

"Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit."

"Computer programmers know how to use their hardware."

"NyQuil: The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine."

"Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research."