• 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

• Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

• The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

• Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

• If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

• Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

• Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.

• If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

• Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

• For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

• Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

• To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

• Two wrongs are only the beginning.

• The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

• If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

• Change is inevitable.... except from vending machines.

• Don't sweat petty things.... or pet sweaty things.

• Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

• It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.