• Fake Rolex salesmen must offer fake warranty information.
• New rule for cabbies: driving naps should not exceed 12 minutes.
• Only 7 Starbucks per block are allowed.
• Get the rats out of subway and putting them back in the restaurants where they belong.
• Change meaning of middle finger gesture to: "lookin' good, neighbor."
• Shine Bat Signal into night sky; when Batman shows up, hand him a broom and a pooper scooper.
• All drive-by gunmen must carpool. (Wait, isn't this one for LA?)
• If Yankees win the World Series again, they can clean up the ticker tape themselves.
• Forming task force to get Clinton to move to New Jersey.
• Selling sex on street corners after 2 AM is now prohibited.
• Women's Rights Groups have won a court action to rename the famous street "Broadway" to "His and Her Way."
• Grant's Tomb only had 22 visitors last year, so the city has licensed it to a Kosher Sushi Bar franchise.