• My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
  "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"
• My mother taught me RELIGION
  "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
• My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL
  "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
• My mother taught me LOGIC
  "Because I said so, that's why."
• My mother taught me FORESIGHT
  "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
• My mother taught me IRONY
  "Keep laughing and I'll 'give' you something to cry about."
• My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS
  "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
• My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM
  "Will you 'look' at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
• My mother taught me about STAMINA
  "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."
• My mother taught me about WEATHER
  "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
• My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS
  "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"
• My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
  "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't exaggerate!!!"
• My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
  "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
• My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
  "Stop acting like your father!"
• My mother taught me about ENVY
  "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"