• Chastity belts require a password rather than a key.
• Last year's pitchfork not compatible with this year's hay.
• Lord Gates claims he has no memory of any memo describing his intention to "wipeth my arse with the Magna Carta."
• The "Good Plague" hoax.
• Horses routinely stop in mid-stride, and require a boot to the rear to start again.
• The Microsoft Rack would work, but it would be 3 times larger than it should be and never completely kill anyone.
• Forget about William Tell; William Gates shoots Apple off the head of Steve Jobs.
• Use of a large, clumsy broadsword instead of yet-to-be-invented scissors helps explain Lord Bill's haircut.
• Archbishop of Canterbury gets hit in the face with a pie.
• Stained Glass Windows MCCCXXXXV actually not released until Spring of MCCCXXXXVI.
• The Y1K bug threatens to cripple high-tech industries, like stonemasonry and weaving.