• Materials needed for Torts 101 include a baking sheet and apron.
• Master's Class in Legal Retorts taught by Johnny Cochran
• Morely Safer and his camera crew are on campus more often than you are.
• If you last the entire eight weeks, Sally Struthers personally signs your diploma.
• Admission test, found on back of a matchbook, requires you to draw Marcia Clark's briefs.
• Faculty recruited from the exercise yard.
• The Dean once failed to get James Earl Jones acquitted on a charge that he "talks like a sissy."
• Professors always accept 5th Amendment as an excuse for not turning in homework.
• Every question answered with, "You can't handle the truth!"
• Two words: Dean Wapner.
• Three hours a day of chasing a little metal ambulance around a dog track.
• In mock trials, the judge always sentences you to a spanking.
• Today's lecture: "Fight for Your Right to Party," by visiting professor Adam "The King Ad Rock" Horovitz.
• Your roommate is on a "John Gotti Scholarship."
• Can't see the blackboard over Axl Rose's hair.
• The white wigs and black robes may be a tradition, but there's no explaining the lipstick, garter belts, and high heels.