• When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping.
• Blaming your farts on me...not funny.
• Yelling at me for barking...I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!!
• How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat butt?)
• Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly who's walk is this anyway?
• Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it.
• Yelling at me for rubbing my ass on your carpet...Why'd you buy carpet?
• Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet...idiot.
• How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.
• Dog sweaters? ...... Have you noticed the fur?..... Imbecile.
• Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. (Now you know why we chew your shit up when you're not home.)
• When you pick up the crap piles in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?
• Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out everytime we go back.
• The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit.