Travel Agent Term	Translation
Old world charm	Room with no TV, radio and only 1 light.
Tropical	Rainy.
Majestic setting	A long way from town, at end of dirt road.
Options galore	Nothing is included in the price.
Secluded hideaway	Directions to locate unclear.
Some budget rooms	Sorry, already occupied.
Explore on your own	At your own expense.
Minutes From ???	By Plane
Romantic	No Phone in room
Knowledgeable trip hosts	They've flown in an airplane before.
No extra fees	No extras available.
Bird Watchers Paradise	Your car's paint will never be the same
Nominal fee	Outrageous charge.
Standard	Sub-standard.
Deluxe	Barely Standard.
Superior accommodations	One complimentary chocolate, free shower cap.
All the amenities	Two chocolates, two shower caps.
Just Like Home	No Maid service
Plush	Both top and bottom sheets, bed shakes.
Gentle breezes	In hurricane alley.
Light and airy	No air conditioning.
Picturesque	Theme park nearby.
24-hour bar	Ice cubes at additional cost (when available).