• Bachelor
  
  1. A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
  2. A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.
  3. A man who never makes the same mistake once.
  4. A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.
  5. A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.
  6. The only man who has never told his wife a lie.
• Bride
  A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
• Compromise
  An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
• Diplomat
  A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.
• Gentleman
  
  1. A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.
  2. A man who, when his wife drops her knitting, kicks it over to her so that she can easily pick it up.
• Housework
  What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn't do it.
• Husband
  
  1. A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.
  2. A person who is the boss of his house and has his wife's permission to say so.
• Joint Checking Account
  A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.
• Love
  An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
• Miss
  A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.
• Mistress
  Something between a mister and a mattress.
• Mother-in-Law
  A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
• Mrs.
  A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.
• Spouse
  Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single in the first place.
• Wife
  A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.