• Contractor
  • A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.

• Bid Opening
  • A poker game in which the losing hand wins.

• Bid
  • A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.

• Low Bidder
  • A contractor who is wondering what he left out of his bid.

• Engineer's Estimate
  • The cost of construction in heaven.

• Project Manager
  • The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.

• Critical Path Method
  • A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.

• OSHA
  • A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney; usually applied at random with a shotgun.

• Strike
  • An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.

• Delayed Payment
  • A tourniquet applied at the pockets.

• Completion Date
  • The point at which liquidated damages begin.

• Liquidated Damages
  • A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

• Auditor
  • Person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.

• Lawyer
  • Person who goes in after the auditors to strip the bodies.