A Mother's Dictionary
- Amnesia
- A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.
- Bottle
- An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am to do the feeding
- Defense
- What you'd better have around the yard if you're going to let de children play outside.
- Drooling
- How teething babies wash their chins.
- Dumbwaiter
- One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
- Family
- The art of spacing your children the proper planning distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
- Feedback
- The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
- Full Name
- What you call your child when you're mad at him.
- Grandparents
- The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
- Hearsay
- What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
- Impregnable
- A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
- Independent
- How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
- Look Out!
- What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it
- Prenatal
- When your life was still somewhat your own.
- Prepared
- A contradiction in terms, especially in terms of childbirth
- Puddle
- A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
- Show Off
- A child who is more talented than yours.
- Sterilize
- What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it
- Storeroom
- The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.
- Temper Tantrums
- What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
- Top Bunk
- Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
- Verbal
- Weaker Sex
- The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.
- Whodunit
- None of the kids that live in your house.
- Whoops
- An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."