• Carpools with Devine Brown.
• Motel 6 names him "Customer of the Year."
• Mysterious phone calls in the middle of the night from some guy named "President Bill."
• You intercept a love note signed by all of the Oakland Raiders.
• That naked guy standing in the corner pretending to be a hat rack isn't fooling anyone.
• Starts buying those lame excuses you give when you get home late from your mistress's house.
• Glenn Close speeds by your house every twenty minutes.
• Models new lingerie saying, "If you were my lover, would this turn you on?"
• The smell of Brut is all over her, and you're strictly an Old Spice man.
• Asks you how you would feel about appearing on "Jenny Jones".
• Every night: comes home late, carves another notch in the bedpost and giggles himself to sleep.
• The cat has that "I know something that you don't know" look.
• Michael Irvin called her as a character witness.
• Closet full of Gideon Bibles.
• Raoul the pool-boy is always hanging around, and you have NO pool!
• Amy Fisher shoots you in the head.