What Every Man Expects in a Wife
- She will always be beautiful and cheerful.
- She could marry a movie star, but wants only you.
- She will have hair that never needs curlers or beauty shops.
- Her beauty won't run in a rainstorm.
- She will never be sick--just allergic to jewelry and fur coats.
- She will insist that moving the furniture by herself, it's good for her figure.
- She will be an expert in cooking, cleaning house, fixing the car or TV, painting the house, and keeping quiet.
- Her favorite hobbies will be mowing the lawn and shoveling snow.
- She will hate charge cards.
- Her favorite expression will be, "What can I do for you, Dear?"
- She will think you have Einstein's brain but look like Mr. America.
- She will wish you would go out with the boys so that she could get some sewing done.
- She will love you because you're so sexy.
What He Usually Gets
- She speaks 140 words a minute, with gusts up to 180.
- She was once a model... for a totem pole.
- Where there's smoke, there she is--cooking.
- She's a light eater...once it gets light, she starts eating.
- She lets you know you only have two faults: everything you do, and everything you say.
- No matter what she does with it, her hair looks like an explosion in a steel wool factory.
- If you get lost, open your wallet and she'll find you.