• A is for Alimony ... the gift that keeps on giving.

• B is for Balls ... which are now ours again.

• C is for Court ... where you finally find out the meaning of a goodscrew.

• D is for Divorce ... the alternative to ax murder.

• E is for Equitable Distribution ... another oxymoron.

• F is for Flatulence ... finally we can let loose without being criticized for causing the flowers to wilt.

• G is for Gandhi...someone you could actually say had lost weight without having to lie.

• H is for House ... which the bitch also got.

• I is for Inmate ... where you also get to room with Bubba when the child support is late.

• J is for Jewelry ... the former great equalizer.

• K is for Kids ... the best of everything.

• L is for Lawyer ... whose most recent vacation you just paid for.

• M is for Mother ... and Oh what a Mother F*cker!!!!!!

• N is for Not tonight, I have a headache.

• O is for Overdrawn ... what your checking account always was.

• P is for PMS ... what we say: "No, honey, you don't look like you're retaining water." ...what we mean, "No wonder there's a citywide drought."

• Q is for Quarter ... what YOU get for each dollar SHE gets.

• R is for Rehearsal Dinner ... should never have stayed for dessert.

• S is for Sex ... thank goodness she rolled in her sleep.

• T is for Throat ... the anatomic area she goes for in the settlement.

• U is for UPS ... the delivery guy you are on a first name basis with, and who spent more time at your house than you did.

• V is for Visa ... one of several cards she maxed out.

• W is for Wrong ... which you always were.

• X is for X chromosome ... I swear some women have more than two!

• Y is for Yacht ... maybe the next guy will have one.

• Z is for Zirconium ... I wonder if she ever figured out that all her diamonds were Cubic Zirconium.