• "Survivor Virus"
  Deletes your files one by one over 13 weeks until only the most annoying one remains.
• Elian Virus
  You can't decide what to do with it, until finally the Janet Reno Virus kicks in your door and deletes it.
• Microsoft Virus
  Renders your computer virtually useless. Also known by the name "Windows 2000."
• Tiger Woods Virus
  Beats the holy crap out of you in every computer game you play.
• Wonderbra Virus
  Results in overflow stack.
• O.J. Virus
  Every time you try to search for a file, it runs "Pro Golf Tour 2000" instead.
• Britney Spears Virus
  Your partitions mysteriously quadruple in size overnight.
• John Rocker Virus
  Re-categorizes everything on your computer into a few simple folders that it can understand.
• Boulder Police Virus
  Can't even *find* your computer.