• Your wife wants a diamond for her birthday, and you get her a Diamond Stealth Video Card.

• You're in bed, making it, and it reminds you of how it must feel to be a floppy disk going into your new drive.

• You know what PPP, SLIP, HTML & FTP mean...but damned if you can remember your wife's maiden name.

• You sit in front of the tv...trying to type at a keyboard.

• You "right click"....on your wife's nipples.

• The "cute name" for your member has changed to "Joystick"....and you hold it the same way.

• You find out that Hemorrhoids aren't THAT painful, as long as you're on the 'Net.

• When someone yells out "What's for supper?" you do a search for SUPPER.COM.

• Whenever your wife mentions "protection", you remind yourself that you gotta get a keyboard protector.

• You suspect there's a virus in your mashed potatoes.