I'm sure you've heard the old story referring to optimism and pessimism that is determined by whther you think the glass is half-empty or half-full. Here are the reactions when somebody leaves a half glass of milk next to the keyboard.

• Optimist:
  The glass is half full.
• Pessimist:
  The glass is half empty.
• Apple Computer:
  You guys really oughta be drinking Perrier.
• Assembly programmers:
  No thanks; I drink straight from the cow.
• Basic programmers:
  No thanks; I'm still breast feeding.
• Bill Gates:
  Not enough market share to be Microsoft Milk.
• C Programmers:
  No thanks; I drink straight from the jug.
• CIA:
  What makes you think that's milk?
• National news media:
  Hey, we wanted OJ!
• Non-procedural language programmers:
  I drank it when nobody was looking.
• NSA:
  We know what it really is.
• Paranoid:
  Here is a glass just sitting here. Why? Who put it here?
  WHY WHY WHY!!! SOMEONE IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!
• Pascal programmers:
  Well, what type of milk is it?
• Pentium users:
  I drank Glass * .49999999 . . . but don't hold me to that.
• Prolog programmers:
  I know I drank it - just don't ask me how.
• Copy protection crazies:
  Somebody drank half my milk and didn't pay for it!
• Faith-healer:
  If we worship it, it will feel better.
• Feminist:
  How come HIS glass is bigger than MINE?
• Free Software Foundation:
  That milk is the cow's contribution to all mankind!
• Futurist:
  The milk's in the wrong half of the glass.
• Fuzzy logic guys:
  I may or may not have drunk some part of that milk.
• IBM:
  Rent the glass from us and we'll fill it with something we know is good for you.
• Idealist:
  In a decent world, this glass would be filled to the brim and big enough for everyone to enjoy.
• IRS:
  Thanks for getting your milk witholding correct this year.
• Mac users:
  Where's my pump?
• MIS:
  I'LL DRINK IT IF YOU CAN GIVE ME UNTIL NEXT YEAR.
• Schroedinger:
  That stupid cat got into the milk again!
• Security consultant:
  Where'd the rest of the milk go?
• Shareware game author:
  That glass is free; the next one you have to pay for.
• UI designers:
  What's that crap in my glass?
• UNIX users:
  Nahh ... too easy.
• Windows users:
  Where's my straw?