About Real Teachers
- Real teachers buy Excedrin and Advil in bulk.
- Real teachers will eat anything left in the teacher's lounge.
- Real teachers grade papers in the car, during commercials, in faculty meetings, in the bathroom, and at the end of nine weeks have even been seen grading in church.
- Real teachers know that sixth graders get hormones from Santa at Christmas.
- Real teachers cheer when they hear that April 1st does not fall on a school day.
- Real teachers drive older cars owned by credit unions.
- Real teachers can't walk past a crowd of kids without straightening up the line.
- Real teachers never sit down without first checking the seat of the chair.
- Real teachers have disjointed necks from writing on boards without turning around.
- Real teachers are written up in medical journals for the size and elasticity of their bladders and kidneys.
- Real teachers wear glasses from trying to read the fine print in the teacher's manuals.
- Real teachers have been timed gulping down lunch in 2 minutes 18 seconds.
- Master teachers can eat faster than that.
- Real teachers can predict exactly which parents show up at open house.
- Real teachers understand the importance of making sure every kid gets a Valentine.
- Real teachers never teach the conjugations of "lie" and "lay" to eighth graders.
- Real teachers know it is better to seek forgiveness than to ask for permission.
- Real teachers can teach anatomy to high school students and not hear the giggles.
- Real teachers know that the best end of semester lesson plans come from Blockbuster.
- Real teachers know the shortest distance and length of travel time to the front office.
- Real teachers can "sense" gum.
- Real teachers know the difference between what ought to be graded, what should be graded, and what should never see the light of day.
- Real teachers know that the first class disruption they see is probably the second one that occurred.
- Real teachers have their best conferences in the parking lot.
- Real teachers have never heard an original excuse.
- Real teachers know better than to plan discussions or cooperative groups for last period during an observation.
- Real teachers know that secretaries and custodians really run the school.
- Real teachers know that rules do not apply to them.
- Real teachers give themselves away in public because of the Vis-a-vis marker smudges all over their hands.
- Real teachers know that dogs are carnivores and not "homework paperavores."
- Real teachers know that happy hour does indeed begin on Friday afternoons.
- Real teachers do not take "no" for an answer unless it is written in a complete sentence.
- Real teachers know the value of a good education and are appalled upon seeing their paychecks.
- Real teachers hear the heartbeats of crisis; always have time to listen; know they teach students, not subjects; and they are absolutely nonexpendable.