• My cat does not barf hairballs, he is a floor/rug redecorator.
• My cat does not break things, she helps gravity do its job.
• My cat does not fear dogs, they are merely sprint practice tools.
• My cat does not gobble, she eats with alacrity.
• My cat does not scratch, he is a furniture/rug/skin ventilator.
• My cat is not a "shedding machine", she is a hair relocation stylist.
• My cat is not a "treat-seeking missile", she enjoys the proximity of food.
• My cat is not a chatterbox, she is advising me on what to do next.
• My cat is not a dope addict, she is catnip appreciative.
• My cat is not a ruthless hunter, she is a wildlife control expert.
• My cat is not evil, she is badness enhanced.
• My cat is not fat, he is mass enhanced.
• My cat is not hydrophobic, she has an inability to appreciate moisture.
• My cat is not underfoot, she is shepherding me to my next destination (which should always be the food dish).