• Abstinence: Give Yourself a Hand!
• I say zip it -- zip it good!
• Just because it's the most pleasurable sensation you'll ever feel in your lifetime doesn't mean you should rush right out and experience it.
• Hey, do you want Ken Starr all over your ass?!
• Wham, Bam, Thank You Hand!
• Just Say Whoa!
• The Pope does it -- now *you* can, too!
• Abstinence: It's not just for quarrels anymore!
• Leave It Near Beaver
• Don't think of it as less sex -- think of it as more time to watch "Babylon 5" reruns.
• You've come a long way, Baby -- for nothing!
• Abstinence: No f**kin' way!
• Spend a little time away from the orifice.
• "Hello, this is President Clinton with an important message for young people..."