• Challenge her to determine how many licks it takes to get to the center of a "Man-Pop."
• "Just pretend I'm Dr. Ross from 'E.R.' and this is an organic tonsil swab."
• Dress up like a giant milkshake and paint stripes on your penis to make it look like a straw.
• "Hey, you're on a high-protein diet, right?"
• Tell him he'll get those Omega-3 fatty oils that are so good for him.
• "No, Monica, it's not sex at all. And it's not even CLOSE to cheating."
• "Honey, it's a blow-JOB. You're doing something good for the economy!"
• "Hey, taste this and tell me if you think it needs more protein."
• Make her jealous by telling her your other sister does it better. (West Virginia only)
• "Quick, I got bit by a rattler!!"